I’ve Made It To Yosemite

“Today I found out that I had been declined the Ahwahnee position because I wouldn’t be staying until November. At first I was bummed, because, well- that job would have paid very well, and that would have taken some stress out of returning to SAU. I’m now… thankful. Not thankful that I didn’t get the job. But thankful that my perspective was changed rather quickly. I’ve been thinking a lot about integrity, and doing the things that I believe are right despite having to turn down convenience. When it comes to that, there’s so much that I don’t understand. You know that. I talk about it often. I really liked the lines at the end of Never Cry Wolf- “In the end there were no simple answers. No heroes or villains; only silence.” Anyway- I had heard that this job would be high-stress, simply because of the clientele and the tip-based pay- but the more willing you are to play up to those with money and prestige, the more comfortable you’ll be. A microcosm of this world. Just yesterday I was telling someone here that I didn’t feel good about it, but I was obviously justifying it somehow. Well- I’m no longer in that position. I didn’t have the integrity to decline it myself, but now it’s been done for me. I don’t have the luxury of the “it’s only temporary and the ends will justify the means” perspective. I’m now free to be present and it wasn’t by my own power. And that’s one of the most powerful realizations that I think one can have. I can live now- love now-be here now, and it isn’t because of me. And that’s why I’m thankful. I have other options as far as jobs, and there are a few that involve doing something good. They pay less, but, “better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” I think this is a small step in the right direction, even though I wasn’t willing to take it myself in the first place.”

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